Solitude, a word that brings all kinds of images to one’s mind. Images like loneliness, perhaps, or being severed from the rest of the world and society. Yet, it is something that can be so healing to us, especially when we are more introverted. As someone who is an ambivert, I am somewhere in the middle. I enjoy being amongst people, but I too feel drained from time to time when I have appointment after appointment with people. Whenever I feel this, I know it’s high time to spend time alone, or with only a very select group of people close to me.

The power of being alone

Spending time alone can be a good thing for us. It gives us time to meditate and contemplate on certain topics, or issues, that are important to us. By journaling in silence we can put things in perspective. Taking walks in nature on our own can also have a profound healing effect on our wellbeing. When we are alone, we can often experience the present moment better, without distractions that other people bring with their presence.

The challenge of being alone is that we are left with just our own thoughts and for many people this is something they dread, because when there is nothing to distract us, we are confronted with just our mind. Perhaps we are in a position where being alone is akin to being imprisoned. Yet, if we want to become mentally resilient, this time spent alone is a key component. For if there is no one else to support us, we need to be able to depend upon ourselves. So it is in our best interest to be at peace with ourselves, to accept our imperfections and flaws, and this can only be done if we’re willing to spend time in solitude.

Spending time with me, myself and I

For me, personally, I attempt to spend at least an hour alone every day. Usually I have some time to myself when I get out of bed early in the morning, this is when I tend to do my meditation. But I love to take a bit of time after dinner as well, so I can write or journal. Journaling is a great way to put your thoughts on paper and literally write them off. When I focus on writing in my journal, I always feel a sort of relief that I put my thoughts out there for myself to read. Sometimes I read old journal entries, just to see what kind of mindset I had during that time. And I also spend time to write my future self letters, just to see if my expectations were met, or if I made the progress I wanted.

As you can read, the time I spend alone is used for self-reflection, development of the self, but also quiet meditation and silence. It is often during these hours that I find myself most at peace with both the outer and inner world. It also provides me with mental stability and resilience, so I can be there for others, too. This is something that is often overlooked by so many people.

Only when I am there for myself, can I be there for others

Selfcare is something a lot of us in Western society have to learn. We are often so caught up in being there for others, pleasing them and seeking acceptance. This can lead to tremendous amounts of stress. Learning to stop caring about what others think about you, and getting rid of this acceptance seeking behaviour is a topic for another time, but I think you understand that taking care of yourself before others is important.

Finding time for yourself can be a daunting task. A lot of people probably can’t imagine how I am able to have an hour to myself on a daily basis. Especially if you have kids to take care of, this will be a big challenge. Yet, setting boundaries is a very important skill to have and saying “No” is also an answer. Sure, people may not like hearing that particular word. They might even start to dislike you for setting boundaries, but always remember that if you always say “Yes”, you’ll be sacrificing yourself and valuable time to others. Especially in my twenties I often wound up at parties and meeting with people when I didn’t even want to in the first place. I ended up at home at night, wondering why I had even agreed in the first place. It took a lot of time for me to understand that saying “No” is also an option. And once you do, it is very liberating. I will take the time to write about this topic as well in a future blog.

The point still remains; you can only be there for others, if you put your own wellbeing on number one. This includes your mental wellbeing and inner calm and we all require time to create a space for ourselves so we can feel at ease and able to face whatever the days will throw at us. That is why I recommend a morning meditation shortly after getting up, before we’re caught up in our every day lives and are more likely to be disturbed by others.

Take some time for yourself, you and everyone you love deserves it

If people think you are selfish for needing some time alone, remind them that you’re not just doing it for yourself. Tell them you need some time and space to yourself every day. Even if it’s just for five minutes. Surely they can be without you for such a short period of time. Remind yourself that you are doing it for the benefit of yourself and those you love. You will appreciate it!

Have a good one!

Jeffrey